Monday, 16 July 2018

Why 21st Century Dating Is Not For Me

Something I never really share on here is the in and outs of my personal life, although I share the majority of my lifestyle there is a thin line between sharing everything and keeping some cards closer to your chest. I did a post a few years ago called 'Why Being Single Isn't A Bad Thing' and here I am at a slightly different stage of my single life. If you want know about my history from before 2016 then you can read that all there but I will get you update from there.

The easy part about this post is that the 'now' part of my dating life is very short and sweet as it only started in August of last year. After months of convincing I finally caved from the demands of friends and my sister to get Bumble which is an online dating app where women make the first move. Similar to Tinder you have the world at your fingertips so to speak. Swipe left for the no's and right for the yes's and every now and again you'll get a notification telling you about a match. I was hesitant at first knowing that I am  more of a personality person which can be really hard to come across via message or a selected number of images. For me I didn't really ever think I would ever meet anyone on there that I liked, it all felt wrong to judge people completely based on looks and their bio if they even had anything in there. 

In this whole 11 months I have dated three guys, all having there own characteristics that I like and some differences that ended up not making us the perfect match. Dating this way has been an experience in itself, you learn so much about who you are. You find strength and bravery in walking away from situations that aren't right for you putting what you need over something you want right there and then. Although it's hard when you are on the receiving end there is so much more than finding someone who appriciates you and being upset over someone who doesn't. It's about filling yourself with the love that you channel in to others, put it in to the things you do, spread kindness. Do all things with love, but don't romanticise life like you can't live without - we have all got so far as we are and sometimes we need to remember that. 

Listen to your emotions, they are all telling you something. Frustration is where you start to make more authentic decisions, be broken as it means you are healing old wounds and be confused because in the end you will know exactly what to do. There is no point in hiding how you feel or being with someone who makes you think you are unable to share it. At the end of the day people are drawn to shared interests, shared problems and the energy an individual holds. Humans connect with humans. They say everything happens for a reason and I think you just need to breathe, trust the journey and let go. 
At the minute I'm stuck in this place of not really being single or taken just healing myself, focusing on my career, having fun with friends/family and trying to find someone that fits in to that. I'm okay with where I am because I would rather be single than settle. It may be more comfortable and easier or you hope the relationship will grow in to something more but the 'what if' is something that will always be at the back of your head. I would rather risk waiting and for even the smallest chance something absolutely amazing could happen. You will look back and be grateful that things didn't work out the way you once wanted them to.

The older you get there is so much pressure particularly on females due to how we are viewed in society. We are constantly told you aren't pretty unless you are wanted or if you aren't in a relationship you aren't loveable. There is so much to un-teach ourselves and our minds about how we should live our lives. I read an amazing quote that summarised this so well - "Maybe instead of finding our other halves we should try piece ourselves together. Maybe I wasn't born unfinished. Maybe I'm the one who makes myself better". Although I've not disliked anyone I've met through 21st century dating I don't think it will be the way I find the right guy for me.

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Who knows where I will be in the next two years... will try not to leave the catch up so long next time.


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